A Better Way to Divorce®

                  Even if the parties already have commenced a

                  divorce action, mediation can still be used to 

                  obtain a faster and less expensive result.

By Stanley A. Harmon

We live in demanding and stressful times.  Time and money are precious commodities

which are not in abundance nor easily acquired.  What are the options for a couple that

decides to separate or divorce?  Can they avoid a nasty, expensive battle?  Can they arrive

at terms for a divorce without resorting to an escalating war?  Can they get beyond this and

on with their lives relatively quickly?  Can they accomplish this without spending their entire

savings or losing their dignity and sanity?  Can they minimize the trauma for their children?  

One word answers all of the above:  Mediation

You are probably familiar with mediation as the process used by labor unions and management

to air and discuss differences and arrive at an agreement of terms.  But did you realize

that today mediation is being effectively used by trained professionals working with couples

seeking to separate or divorce?  This non-adversarial process allows the divorcing parties to

control the course of events and produce a better result in much less time, at a fraction of the cost.

Divorce does not have to be expensive and prolonged

Traditionally when a couple starts the divorce process each spouse retains an attorney

and legal proceedings begin.  The process can take up to a year or longer and can

become exceedingly expensive.  More important, emotional stress, particularly upon

children, is devastating.  

Mediation, on the other hand, is a cooperative process which significantly reduces time,

cost and aggravation. When this method is used an agreement on all issues is usually reached

in about two to three months without the occurrence of a long and difficult fight.

In mediation couples meet with a trained mediator, usually an attorney or a psychologist,

who guides them to a fair and equitable arrangement.  These meetings occur once a week

in a comfortable office setting.  Discussions are informal and take place with both

spouses present.  At times, however, during the course of mediation it is found

beneficial to meet with each spouse alone.

Through the skill of the mediator spouses are directed towards solutions which they

would otherwise not realize on their own.  The mediator is able to reach the parties

by showing them that common ground exists, without years of fighting.  As a consequence,

couples often leave the marriage as friends (or at least not as mortal enemies) creating

a much better situation for their children as well as for themselves.

Animosity or anger between spouses does not prevent successful mediation. 

The trained mediator is able to significantly reduce friction by enabling the parties

to understand the benefits of this process not only for themselves, but also for

their entire family.

The key is that the mediator causes the parties to speak directly and rationally to each other. 

Because an agreement reached in mediation is achieved directly by the parties themselves

conflict after the divorce is minimized or eliminated.  Clearly this is superior to allowing results

to be brought about by third parties, one of whom is opposing you.  As a consequence, the

agreement reached is in the best interest of all members of the family involved.  It will allow

people to thrive and get on with their lives after the divorce is completed.

Mediation can also be utilized to obtain a temporary or permanent separation.

Even if the parties have already retained separate attorneys mediation can still be

used to obtain a faster and less expensive result.  In this regard, during or at the

conclusion of mediation each party is free to consult with his or her own attorney

prior to any agreement becoming final.

In addition to the participation of the mediator, couples can be assured that, if needed,

other professionals such as accountants, financial planners, psychologists and psychiatrists

are brought into the process.  

Mediation is a viable choice that should definitely be considered when contemplating or

involved in divorce.  To do otherwise would not serve one’s interests well.

Mr. Harmon has practiced law for over twenty-five years.  His firm for divorce mediation,

Stanley A. Harmon & Associates, LLC, has offices in Freeport and Mineola, New York; New York City;

Weston, Connecticut; and in New Jersey:  Avon, Clinton, East Brunswick, Edison, Galloway,

Hackensack, Haddonfield, Jackson, Linden (area), Livingston, Morristown (area), Northfield, Ocean City,

Tinton Falls (near Red Bank),Wall (area), Wayne and West Orange.

© Copyright 2002-2006 Stanley A. Harmon & Associates, LLC

All rights reserved.